Part 4 Precautionsby siff members
There is NO sure shot formula to completely avoid being hit by false cases based ongender-biased laws. So instead of telling you “ don’t marry at all ”, we have compiledsome practical tips that you can use to protect yourself. If the girl you are planning tomarry sounds like the one described below, PLEASE STOP before it’s too late. Save yourself and your family. There are millions of good girls out there. Continue yoursearch for another partner, you will surely find your soul mate.
5.1) Preliminary precautions
• DO NOT marry in a family in which the girl, sister or even a cousin ever filed a498A case. Our experience indicates that families in which women previouslyfiled false dowry cases will file it in future as well. We strongly recommend tocompletely boycott girls and families that have filed false 498A cases.
DO conduct a background check of her family and verify that they don’t have acriminal background/court cases/unlawful businesses, especially if the girl is fromanother city. Use a detective if you can afford one. This may sound like wastagebut is worth it.
• If this is her second marriage, then be even more cautious. Often such girls haveharassed their previous husbands with such laws and possibly extorted largesums of money from them. Check her divorce papers; seek information using RTI(Right to Information Act of 2005) from her local police station or court. Divorcepapers not only mean “Divorce decree”. Please don’t forget to see MOU(Memorandum of Understanding) attached with it.
• Try to investigate if the girl’s family has a pattern of quick divorces. If so, youmight just be a link in a long series of men that this family plans to extort oneafter another. • If you believe in astrology, get an expert to do the match-making of not only “gun-milaan” but also complete “Kundli milaan”. 5.2) During courtship
• Be wary of the personality signs described in the section 4“ Warning Signs of anabusive personality and future 498A girl/family” .
• Be cautious, if she and her parents are living beyond their means and like toflaunt their designer shoes, clothes, cars etc. Research and see if they havegone under a huge amount of debt just to pretend to be “rich and famous”.
• Often 498A families have political connections and would use such connectionsto abuse the laws and threaten husbands for money. Check if they talk aboutsuch connections or boast about them.
• If the girl or her parents casually talk about police, courts, laws, litigation etc, then be very cautious.
• Often the mother of such girls dominates the father; and sisters of such girls dominate their husbands. You should be able to spot this.
• Her parents might pretend to be very religious, honest and hardworking beforethe marriage and slowly you might start to realize that they actually speak in avery foul-mouthed manner amongst themselves. This is a clear sign of a two-faced family that you are marrying into.
• If the girl you are about to get married to speaks in a very formal and submissivemanner to you, but speaks in a totally different tone with her other familymembers or friends, then treat this as a warning sign.
• Often such girls are insecure and start feeling jealous very easily. You should beable to spot this. Try complimenting an actress on her beauty/figure or evenacting skills, you might get to see a glimpse of what lies ahead of you. Page 6 of 16 A Warning For Indian Bachelors
• Often such girls suffer from various mental health disorders. Common ones areBipolar Affective disorder (also known as Manic Depressive disorder), BorderlinePersonality Disorder, Depression, Anxiety and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.Check her medicines and medical records for the diagnosis.
• Often such girls are vindictive and revengeful. Ask her the worst that she hasdone to someone to teach him/her a lesson. This will give you an indication ofhow inhuman she can be when push comes to shove.
• The girl might often tell you during the courtship period that she has a terribletemper whenever she sees any injustice. This may sound reasonable and cuteinitially, but treat this as a warning sign because after marriage, anything thatdoes not go according to her wishes might be interpreted as a terrible injustice inher mind.
• Often such girls have mastered the art of lying. They have plenty of men wantingthem and they expertly exploit others with their sweet talk. Check how manymale and female friends they have and what do their friends say about her(especially other girls).
• During the courtship period, if the girl NEVER talks about her family members and quickly changes the subject if you happen to ask, then do not ignore this warning. That family might have a past that they do not wish to divulge.
• During the courtship period, she might tell you that she is not ambitious and would just like to stay at home and take care of you and your family. But as yourmarriage gets closer her ambitions will shift and you will be expected to fulfill her wishes to study abroad, find her a job with excellent package etc. None of thesethings are wrong by themselves, but be wary of a girl who becomes ambitious insubstantial increments as the relationship progresses.
• If the girl asks you questions in passing about “ who owns this house ” and “ inwhose name is that car ”, then be wary if such questions exceed a reasonablelimit. Listen to your gut feeling. Don’t disregard your instincts – your instincts arethere to protect you.
• If the girl’s family suddenly shifts to another city or changes their family busines immediately before the wedding, then treat that as a warning sign.
• If the girl’s family starts asking you for business favors, loans and investment in their schemes even before the wedding, tread cautiously. • Often such girls or their family would ask you for your salary slip and/or property documents before marriage which should have no bearing on your marriage.Alarm bells should start ringing in your head if they ask you for any of these.These are later used by such girls and their families in court to extract huge amounts of money off you.
5.3) During Marriage Ceremonies
• If her parents insist on a lavish wedding DESPITE you pressing for a simple wedding, then this might be a trap. Please do not put yourself or your parents atrisk.
• DO prepare a list of all gifts given or taken during marriage. Get it signed bythe bride as well as the bridegroom, along with two witnesses.
• Her parents might behave questionably during the wedding. For example, if theyare video recording every little detail, exchange of gifts etc; they might be preparing to file a false dowry case on you later on. Be extra cautious if this is thesecond marriage of the girl.
• If your in-laws are gifting or paying for expenses through cheques/drafts, take this as a sure shot sign. They will use these to file false cases of dowry harassment.
• Groom’s side also spends extensively but often does not keep records of purchasing expensive clothes, accessories, celebration expenses etc. DO keepall VAT paid bills.
• Always keep the bills of gold and other jewelry that you purchase for her.
5.4) After Marriage
• If possible, DO NOT buy any property on your name till the time you are sure that you have married the right person. It might take a few years to be certain, but it is better to be safe than to be sorry for the rest of your life.
• DO NOT disclose your bank account/email passwords to her, not at least for the first few years into marriage.
• Get your marriage registered in SDM office and mention on affidavit (from both sides) that “No dowry were exchanged before/during and after marriage”. Keep the copy of affidavit with you.
• Do keep all record of money spent on honeymoon, clothing, household expenses, fine dining, medical bills etc (as girls later claim that they were deprived of all this in their matrimonial homes).
• Keep regular snaps and videos of good times when you go out to celebrate, dine, watch movies, socialize and travel with your wife. These will serve as proofs inyour favor if she decides to file false case of cruelty against you later. She mightclaim that she was never allowed to go out of the house, was beaten daily, and was never allowed to meet people, spend any money, or do anything besideshousehold chores like a slave.