By RAJESH VAKHARIA : International Men’s Day is first celebrated in Trinidad and Tobago in 1999. Since then, every
year it is celebrated in more than 80 countries across the world.
Today, the social expectations from men are continuously increasing. The suicide rates of
married men are going skywards as more and more men are taken for granted for their
contributions to family, cultures and societies. Every year, International Men’s Day is observed
to celebrate being male and to spend one day acknowledging the positive contribution of men
towards family and the society, in this age of constant criticism, male bashing and misandry in
This year, the focus of International Men’s Day in India is to initiate the discussion among men
about the very attributes and constraints of “being a REAL MALE”. Till now, most men perceive
it to be unmanly, if they discuss any of men’s weaknesses and vulnerabilities including
celebratingInternational Men’s Day. These attitudes are not helping men transform for a
In past, many powerful patriarchal men even considered it unmanly to
celebrate the international Men’s Day.
When 3 times more men compared women die in accidents, murders and suicides every year in
India, still many men live in denial of their own problems and refuse to seek help or support as
they are stuck inside the traditional notions of manhood. Freedom of men from these
regressive attitudes is a must, if we all wish for a better world for every human being. Its time
men start communicating and sharing their issues and their personal vulnerabilities in their
According to our survey, 84% of urban Indian males find domestic violence against men by
women is funny and abused husbands are not male enough.
Such mindset basically means Men who hit back at the abusive women are “Real Men” and
Men who take the abuse without reacting, are not “Real Men”.
Interestingly, the feminists want men to change and yet they want men to remain “Real Men”.
Such contradictions in their thinking show, how intellectually challenged they are.
If men have to transform, then one has to look at Male Identity from Men’s
Prism, not from Women’s Prism or from Women’s Studies Courses or
Men must not be made to Earn Manhood:
Do we ever make any woman earn her womanhood? How ridiculous it would be, if we start
doing that. Do we call a girl a woman, when she produces a child? No. A girl becomes a woman
due to biology. However, societies and cultures have always made men earn their manhood by
taking risks and achieving some definite accomplishments. So often we hear the phrase, “be a
man and do something”. Men who fail in taking risks or showing courage or Men, who do not
have accomplishments are shamed as “losers” and “cowards”, who are not male enough.
Cultures have kept the male identity very delicate.
The male ego is fragile, because cultures have made manhood of a man very delicate.
Such attitudes constantly create pressure and stress on men to perform, otherwise he risks
losing his identity as a male. So, men avoid doing anything that makes them laughing matter for
others, including not sharing their problems and weaknesses. The other side of this behavior is
men try to show off their manhood and brag about their achievements and sexual exploits.
A Man is a man, irrespective of whether he is straight or gay, rich or poor,
employed or unemployed. A Man must not be culturally made to earn his
Women and Men must stop shaming men, “What kind of Man you are? Common, Be a Man”.
On the eve of International Men’s Day, 19th November, we urge:
1. Men in powerful positions must stop living in denial about men’s issues and even their
2. Male film actors must work to end the glorification of violent male protector role.
3. Men must not be shamed with expectations of traditional male identity. Its time society
stops tearing men between both traditional Conservative and modern Liberal
4. Immediate establishment of Male Studies departments in Universities.
5. Men must go beyond “Good versus Evil” wars so that we can have a peaceful world.
6. Establishment of National Commission for Men to create gender equality.
Every day is not a Men’s Day. Otherwise, the world would not have seen slavery and
discrimination of Men on the basis of race, caste, color or religion.
Its time Men stop living in denial about their issues and celebrate International Men’s
Survey about Men’s Attitudes and Men’s Issues
This survey was conducted in 3 urban Indian cities and it is about Men attitudes towards men’s
issues and gender relationships.
1. Most men find videos of wife beating husband as funny. 84% men say
domestic violence against men is funny.
2. 85% urban men are not aware of laws related to marriage like Hindu
Marriage Act and other laws.
3. One in 12 married men between ages 25 to 40 is separated or is facing
4. Only 4% of all unmarried Men recognize Marital Problems may impact their
lives in future.
5. 87% men are more worried about safety of their parents than themselves,
when their marital problems escalate. They hate to imagine, their parents
going to courts.
6. 67% (2 out of 3) men find it difficult to share their relationship problems to
their parents or close friends until it is too late. They are scared that
parents and friends will not trust them.
7. Most men are also over protective about their sister’s or daughter’s
marriage. 92% of men of all age groups find it very difficult to accept the
breakdown of their sister’s or daughter’s marriage.
8. 50% men going through marital problems feel low self-esteem, feel
depressed and contemplate suicide at one time or other.
9. 52% men find it difficult to indulge in sexual intercourse, if verbally abused
by wife or partner the same day. They tend to reject any advances made (by
10. Official Statistics of Male and Female Victims of Accidents, Murders
and Suicides in India in NEXT PAGE (courtesy: Ministry of Home Affairs,
11. Next Page =>
12. Gender wise, Statistics of number of victims of
Murders, Suicides and Accidents all over India, in Year